the coming light

Many already know that 2 weeks ago I ruptured my Achilles Tendon while snowboarding at the "White Out" youth retreat at Frontier Ranch. While snowboarding at Monarch Ski Area I was boarding down one of my old favorite black runs and fell. While I was sliding down the hill on my stomach the snowboard hit a mogul which caused the toes to stop while the downward momentum on the heals caused the tendon to snap in two. For some odd reason I couldn't put weight on my left leg and I couldn't navigate boarding down. So I took off my board and walked all the way down to the lodge. It was a bummer because it then started to snow profusely and I so wanted to be out boarding on the fresh powder.

So we come home on Monday and I tell Jane that we might want to have a Dr. look at my ankle. (I suspected it was the Achilles Tendon). So we got into Rocky Mtn. Orthopedics and sure enough - a total tear. So in comes this new wizz kid in the area named Dr. Mike Huang. He was trained at the Steadman ortho clinic in Vail where world reknown athletes come for surgery. He recommends surgery with this new instrument and it just so happens that he's the only surgeon in the area that knows how to use it. (I take this as a God thing). So surgery it was on Wed. the 20th of Feb. The surgery went fantastic and the incision is a mere 1-2 inches long. Amazing.

But then the dark period of the soul began. Little did I know that narcotic pain medicines totally wack me out. (by God's grace I have avoided any serious injuries my whole life). For all the activities I have done, that is definitely something to be thankful for. So the first 6 days of recovery I deal with this rash and itch all over from the meds. Then I become totally constipated (I know, too much information). But here's the kicker...I begin to start imagining and hearing things that aren't there. I felt like I was back in the 70's back on LSD. Jane began to freak out. (admittedly I was pretty happy because I felt no pain).

So Jane calls the Dr. and they change the pain meds to Vicodene. Nasty stuff! The first night that I was on vicodene I woke up in the middle of the night and felt like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn't catch my breath. I literally felt like I was slowly suffocating to death. It really felt like a demonic presence was killing me. So I woke up Jane and we began to war in the spirit. I walked around the house in my crutches rebuking the enemy and praying in the spirit. We put a Beth Moore CD on and I listened to her teaching. The anxiety and fear was still prevalent. So Jane got my guitar out and I worshiped for about an hour. Finally around 4:30 am Jane was able to get some rest.

But at 6 am I still couldn't get a full breath. So we called the Dr. and they sent me immediately to the ER to get checked against a Pulminary Embulism. So after a Cat Scan and EKG everything checked out normal. (go figure) So later that day I asked Jane to call Dr. Dan Thompson or family Dr. When he heard the news he said get him off of the Vicodene immediately and prescribed a regimine of plain Advil and Tylenol to manage the pain. After a couple of days the head began to clear and my spirits began to lift. I began to long for relational contact with people and began to sit outside and enjoy the genesis of spring here in GJ. (This is huge considering the long cold winter we have had here).

So in conclusion I look back over the past couple of weeks and can see that I was falling into a pit of darkness and despair of the soul. I was lifeless and despondent. I had no ambition and my thoughts were clouded. But now I am seeing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It reminds me of when Zacharias (the father of John the Baptist) praised God in anticipation of the Messiah's birth, he also looked forward to a spiritual sunrise. Citing Malachi 4:2, he proclaimed: "The Dayspring [sunrise] from on high has visited us; to give light to those who sit in darkness" (Luke 1:78-79).

I am now full of hope that this too shall pass. I am on the road to heal. I am forever empathetic to others that are struggling with physical and emotional ailments. (much more than I was before this episode). I realize that even though the body is not what it was 20 years ago, my spirit continues to grow and look forward to what is to come of God's Kingdom. I am thankful for God's call to be the Pastor of Canyon View Vineyard Church. I am excited for our pastoral and elder retreat this coming week to refine the vision of Canyon View. Yes the Dayspring from on high has visited me and he has come to give light. I feel a renewed sense of hope and vision that the light is going to be shed on those in darkness in the years to come through Canyon View Vineyard. May God be glorified and praised for "all things". You guys rock!

Kirk